sick of studying

i'm just about preparing to kiss my dreams of SEP goodbye. au revoir. auf weidersen. goodbye.

spent today going through calculus. i'm going to fail. it looks ok in theory. i understand what i'm supposed to be doing and how i'm supposed to do it. but when i actually sit down and try it out myself, it doesn't work. i literally spent an hour trying to figure out an optimization problem. and i still haven't gotten it solved. the only modules i got a bit of confidence in is EL2101 and GEK1500. i'm officially screwed. goodbye to a good CAP. now i'll be happy if i even pass.

spending the time studying is stressful. especially when you have to handle other stuff on the side. for instance, mum has gotten a job. and she expects me to help her to prepare her stuff for that. then there's the choir. immediately after the exams end i'm gonna be rushing into that to prepare for carolling. then there's the feast day stuff. i skipped a meeting today. can't afford the time to pull out. sigh. and daryl's not coming this sunday and the next sunday either. have to remember to catch dawn to ask if she can take over. else that's one more thing to worry about. the organ. :(

i'm so praying that next year when the new youth team comes in, someone more qualified will be able to take over the choir. there we go again. like i told that guy...(what's his name from juice. the one that appeared for a day and MIA for the rest of the time)...anyway, i think i expect too much of myself. and when i can't handle it, i stress myself out and worry myself silly.

anyway. ya so. stressing out. been dropping by to lurk on the message boards to cool off sometimes. but...scandals happening again. all over clay and kelly ripa this time. long story i'll tell next time. so... :p there too. my clone fic's coming nicely tho. horrible the way inspiration strikes at the wrong time. damn.

oh ya! some question...thanksgiving is supposed to fall on the last thursday of november. but this year, i noticed, the last thursday is actually nov 30th, last day of the month. so why are they celebrating thanksgiving on the 2nd last thursday instead of the last? and i just read an article that seems quite thought provoking. why is thanksgiving celebrated like it's so great when it actually has not too good historical background? not having done american history... the pilgrims came to the New World and just claimed it for themselves despite the fact that there were already people living there and forcing the natives to submit to their rule. the whole history of colonisation is...well...depressing sometimes. it's true that it's the winners who write history. and those who lose...their stories just disappear as if they never existed.




mood: sian
listening to: it's my life - bon jovi